Bah Microondas.

Taking a cue from The Trophy Wife, I came across some instructions yesterday that I wanted to share with you. I was reorganizing the items in our storage closet when I came across an old microwave box.
It looks fairly standard, right?

Now take a closer look.

1) Broken wine glasses are permitted near the microwave. Either that or the box is telling me that the microwave will work for breaking my wine glasses OR it will make them shine.

2) Levitation of cubes is not only permitted, but encouraged in and around the mircrowave.

3) When operating the microwave in the rain, please us an umbrella.

4) Do NOT use the microwave to heat up your boots so they are warm and toasty when you go outside. Either that or do not wear the Grinch's shoes that are too tight when operating the microwave


It's not every day...

So, on my usual jaunt to the gas station to nab myself the most giant cup of Diet Mountain Dew I can buy (which, by the way, is NOT big enough), I had an interesting encounter.

The 7-Eleven worker (we'll call him Joe), was ringing me up and whisting along with the music in the background (Beethoven, I believe. Yes, Beethoven, at the 7-Eleven), Joe then looks at me and says "I'm so glad you came in today."

Why, you may wonder? Well, it was NOT my beautiful face, hair, clothes or smile. It was NOT because I informed him that it was about time to refill the syrup in the machine for the Diet Mountain Dew, and it was NOT that fact that I let him keep the 13 cent change from my dollar bill. It was the fact that I cannot whistle. As he whistled classical tunes to me, I happened to mention that I can't whistle.

Much to his delight, Joe asked me to whistle for him. I'm ashamed to admit that I did...er...tried. He smiled and then said to me, "I'm so glad you came in today! It's not everyday you meet a non-whistler." And I'm thinking in my head, "actually, that IS every day, most non-whistling morons just don't attempt whistling with the 7-Eleven checker." And as I'm walking out the door he calls out, "Can you swim? Because a non-whistler, non-swimmer would be a real treat."

Unfortunately for him, I can swim. Sigh, I'm not even cool enough to be the biggest loser he's met.