30 Day Challenge: Day One

Let me start by saying how overwhelmed I am with the response I had to my previous post (comments ended up on Facebook, but there were many heartfelt and uplifting words).  Things aren't always easy right now, but I'm moving forward and feeling a measure of peace. 

Having said that, I feel like my blog needs a little revitalization!  Writing that post was really great for me and reminded me of why I enjoy blogging.  The opportunity to express my thoughts and share them with others is good for me!  So, I did a little searching and I came across a 30-day blog challenge that I'm going to give a try.  Starting today. 

So, here goes nothing.  Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts [about yourself].

Introduction: Well, introductions seem a little formal since I've had this blog for years now.  But, for anyone who's new, my name is Amanda.  I've been married to my fantastic hub, Geoff, for 5 years (it will be 6 in 2013).  We've got a 15-month old son who is amazing!  We are located in Fargo, ND. 

Recent Pic:

The Hub and me on New Year's Eve.

15 interesting facts: "Interesting" is up to interpretation, I suppose.  But here goes nothing:

1) I've been to 20 states, but I've never been outside of the US.
2) Of those 20 states, my visits to 9 of them happened in the past 3 years.
3) I love to bake and I consider cookies my specialty.
4) I didn't inherit my looks from my mom, but I did inherit her brain.  She's my bestie.
5) My favorite movie falls to a toss up between Men In Black and Mission Impossible, depending on my mood when you ask.
6) My favorite color is purple.
7) I collect Salt and Pepper shakers.
8) I enjoy TV and some of my favorite shows include soapy dramas like Grey's Anatomy and Parenthood, comedies like New Girl and The Office, reality shows like The Bachelor, and Sci-Fi shows like Star Trek (the hub and I are in the final season of the Enterprise series currently).
9) If you were going to buy me a treat your best bet would be brownies, Ritter Dark Chocolate bar with Marzipan, or caramel corn.
10) We LOVE thrift store shopping and have scored some serious steals over the years.
11) In the all-important debate, I think that McDonald's > Wendy's.
12) I don't sing nearly enough.  It is one of my few real passions.  I just feel good when I'm doing it.
13) Mean Girls and Zoolander are two movies that are quoted at some point during my day on a nearly daily basis.
14) Baseball is the best sport.  In my opinion.  My opinion is right.  ;-)
15)  I think that breakfast food is welcome (and encouraged) for every meal. 

Here's to tomorrow!

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Trajectory

It is with some trepidation that I write this post.  The past few weeks have brought some unexpected curve balls into our lives.  I try to keep my blog fairly light-hearted and optimistic.  For this very reason, I fought long and hard with myself as to whether I wanted to discuss this topic on my blog.
 
I was reading some older posts of mine, however, when I read my own blog description, "A little snippit of our joys, sorrows, laughs, tears, smiles and love."  So, with that in mind, I'll give you fair warning that this post is going to err on the side of sorrows and tears.  But, I think it's important that I write about it.

This summer is shaping up to be one of the happiest and most baby-filled summers I can recall.  I have 2 co-workers, 4 close friends, and 2 sisters-in-law who are expecting babies before the summer is over.  For a brief 5 weeks, I expected that I, too, would be joining them with a baby due August 11th.

However, it turns out, that my little one wasn't meant to be.  At a 9 week ultrasound in early January, we found that the little one, as the ultrasound tech indicated on her notes (three words that have been seared onto my memory), had "no cardiac activity" and that I should expect to miscarry shortly.  The little one had grown to about 8 weeks and, for reasons unknown, his/her little heart stopped beating.  This was certainly not the result of our first prenatal visit that we expected. The nurse practitioner was appropriately sympathetic and discussed my "options" with me while my head tried to steady the dizzying twirl of the room.  How could this be happening to me?

They gave me an ill-titled book, Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream, and offered to sneak me out the "back way."  I distinctly remember choosing the front exit - because I wasn't embarrassed.   So what if the people waiting for their visit saw that my eyes were filled with tears and sadness?  I wasn't going to sneak out the back and pretend like sadness isn't a real part of life, a real risk when starting (or building up) a family. 

Over the next week I tried to find out as much as I could about what to expect.  There was surprisingly little information available, which is a big part of why I'm writing this post.  They don't even keep statistics on miscarriage rates.  It's estimated that 20% of known pregnancies end in miscarriage...however, that's estimated because it's not actually reported.  It began to break my heart a little bit that my little lost baby wouldn't even get to be a tick on a chart.  That the only way my baby would ever be remembered is if I shared his/her story, a story that I don't think is really even over yet. 

My mom used to teach my early morning seminary class when I was in high school.  She used to tell this ridiculous (or, what felt ridiculous to a 16-year old) little story about choices and trajectory.  How you could be heading along path A and then run into a fork in the road and suddenly you find yourself on path B, heading an entirely different direction.  And, the direction that you go is actually really important!  Especially if, let's say, your future spouse is heading along path C which crosses path A but not path B.  Suddenly the choice you made at the fork is all the more meaningful.  Although I'm not sure I'm at a fork now - more like a sharp curve with no other options - my trajectory certainly has changed. 

I found myself saying to a friend one day, "Everything is different now, but nothing has changed."  My day-to-day life hasn't changed significantly since the miscarriage, but I share this story because my whole life has changed.  I'm a different person now.  My life has taken on a whole new trajectory.  One that has lead me to feel more appreciative of the blessings and love that I do have in my life.  One that has helped me to realize the total and utter awe that I have for the human body and a new found respect for my own body.  I am sad.  All the time.  But, I also know that this is the beginning of a new journey.  I know that the little baby that I didn't get to nurture and grow will always be a part of me. 

For that reason, I write this post.  To share our sorrows and our tears.  To honor my little one who I only had the privilege of loving and carrying for 9 weeks.  So that when I look back on my blog and review the events that I chose to record - that this little one will not be left forgotten, will not be unmentioned.  But, that this little one may be remembered joyfully and with gratitude.

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Chop!

Will was fortunate enough to follow after his father in one regard - hair.  Little Amanda was born with some hair, but it promptly fell out and didn't really make a comeback for a couple years. 

Mr. Will was born with a pretty full head of dark hair - with a particularly think patch right on top.  And, while it thinned a little, most of it stayed. 

The original 'do.

The downside to this is that the hair on top has always been about twice as long as the rest of his hair.  This has become a particular problem in the last month or so, as it is always in his eyes!  So, I'm constantly pushing it to the side, which ended up looking like a bit of a comb-over - which is never a terribly desirable hairstyle.

I wanted to make sure we got some family portraits and a few decent 12-month shots of him before we cut his hair.  We did some family pictures on the 20th, so it has been documented.  On the 26th, Geoff and I decided that the time had come to get that boys hair out of his eyes.  We made an appointment at a local children's salon called "Lil' Whipper Snippers" and so it was done!

An idea of the hair-in-eye (and food) we've been dealing with.

And the comb-over.  My dad affectionately referred to it as the "Hitler" hairdo.

There were some tears, some giggles, and some total confusion, but in the end - he looks adorable.  At this length I'll have more styling options (style it up in the front, down in the front, fauxhawk, etc...).  Plus, we're getting some family pictures taken with the Parker clan when we are in Utah this weekend, so we'll get some family shots with the new 'do as well. 

First snips

"Mom, get me outta here!"

All done!

Feeling better.

Back at home afterward.

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End of Year Wrap Up!

Well, in case it wasn't apparent, I'm on the naughty list for bloggers this year.  I do take some solace in the fact that my blog feed in general has been pretty meager these past couple of months.  At least, it seems, I'm not alone.

I feel bad, though, as the last couple months around here have been pretty exciting!  Will turned one, we celebrated Thanksgiving, I went on a business trip, Geoff graduated from NDSU, we celebrated Christmas, we're taking a trip to visit Geoff's family in Utah next week.  All in all, a lot of happenings to document - none of which have been documented here!  So, here's a quick recap of the big ticket items.

November 4th, 2012:

Mr. Will turned one.  He got an ear infection on his birthday, so he wasn't the happiest of fellows (as evidenced by his rather despondent birthday photos).  However, he is anything but despondent.  At his 12 month checkup he was 30.5 inches and 24.5 lbs.  He took his first steps on his birthday and has loved the world opened up to him by walking.  He loves books and reading.  He is really starting to "talk."  He has a few words he's starting to use with a bit more purpose (dada, mama, and up being the most common words, but still not used regularly).  But, he is practicing his inflection and is asking about everything.  He started pointing a couple weeks ago and is constantly asking for and about all the things around him.  He repeats sounds really well and I figure it's just a matter of time before all that jabber starts to morph into words.  He loves food.  If I had to pick his favorites, I'd say grapes, chicken, turkey (lunch meat), beans, and broccoli.  But, he rarely turns down anything.  Although, he'll only drink milk and [sometimes] water.  No juice for this kid - which I don't really mind, except for I hate to give him quite so much milk!

November 22nd, 2012:

We celebrated Thanksgiving here in Fargo with some friends.  I cooked the turkey (yikes!), rolls, glazed carrots, a pumpkin roll, and a caramel pecan pumpkin pie.  It was delicious and fun to be with friends.

December  3-7, 2012:

I traveled to Albany, NY to conduct some follow-up training for a client along with another co-worker of mine.  It was the longest I've been away from Will and it was a week before Geoff's finals.  We all struggled a bit with this one, but we made it through.

December 14, 2012:

Geoff graduated from North Dakota State University with his Bachelor's degree.  I'm so proud of that man.  Now for the hard part, job hunting!

December 24-25, 2012:

We celebrated a wonderful Christmas, just the three of us, in Fargo.  We spoiled each other (as usual) and loved watching Will open presents and enjoy the day.  Mostly, we love any opportunity to be together as a family and celebrating the joy of Christmas together was really wonderful.

I did finally put [most of] my Christmas cards in the mail today (I'm still missing a few addresses).  So, after I give those a few days to start arriving, I'll post some our family pictures we had taken.

And, soon we'll be packing up for a much-anticipated trip out to Utah to visit with the Parkers.  It's been a long time since we were able to see them, so we're excited to get out there and get away for a bit.  

And in case I don't blog in time:

Happy New Year!  2013 is going to be a good one!

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All Grown Up!

Yesterday was Will's first birthday.  I'll blog more about the birthday festivities later, but for now, I wanted to let you know - he's started walking!  He took his first steps on his first birthday. 

There's no going back now...

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Will's First Halloween

Last year on Halloween I was confined to bed rest (2 days away from induction!).  I remember feeling the torture of all the ADORABLE Halloween-themed baby clothes and costumes and wishing my little guy felt like coming early.

I'm glad he didn't.  But, we did have to wait nearly a year for his first Halloween.  It was a blast.  I thought long and hard about our costumes and considered a variety of options (some which may be future costumes for coming years), but settled on Will and me as bees and Geoff as the beekeeper.  This came together great! Will was adorable, I loved an excuse to get into costume, and Geoff's no-fuss costume ensured he wouldn't put up a fight.  haha.

We had a great time at the ward carnival/trunk or treat and got some decent pictures (Will is at an age where it's pretty much impossible to get him to sit still for a photo - he is ALWAYS on the go)

Happy Halloween!  I can't believe my boy will be 1 in just 3 days.  Time really does fly!

Giggles with the queen bee and baby bumble bee.

Captured by the beekeeper

The church gym was an exciting place.

Thinking about walking while peeking from behind mom.

Pausing briefly before continuing around the gym.

The whole clan.  Happy Halloween!

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My October

What have I been up to, you ask?  Let me tell you. 

October 1: I turned 26.  It's kind of baffling.  I graduated college 5 years ago.  I met my husband 7.5 years ago. I graduated high school 8 years ago.  I got my driver's license 10 years ago.  I got my first kiss 11 years ago.  I met my BFF 20 years ago.  Life really does fly!

October 6-15: Packed, searched for apartments, found a new home for Romulus. 

October 15: Got Rom neutered.  Will got sick.  Double ear infection - antibiotics are needed.

October 18: Signed our new lease at our great new place.

October 19: Rented a U-haul and loaded up all our stuff and moved.  This is the day that we sent Rom to his new home.  This was a rough day. 

October 20: Continued to move.  I contracted Will's sickness. 

October 22: Put Rubio on a plane to go to Utah where he'll be staying with his aunt Steffanie for a little while.  This was a rough day.  Carpets cleaned at the old house.

October 23: Cleaned the house top to bottom, removed any final belongings.

October 24: One last trip to the house to put "giveaway" stuff on the curb for takeaway the next morning, throw away trash, and grab final belongings out of the garage.

October 25: Closing day.  Handed over the keys to the old house.

October 27: Costume finalization and pumpkin carving!

October 30: The realization that I can focus on my life again, and not just the perils of moving.  HAPPY DAY.

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